Monday, January 4, 2010

Rough days

I have had some ups and downs in the past couple weeks

I should have blogged it, but it wasn't something i could really deal with.

January 1st, i had the convo with Syd, I asked her all the questions i needed to know. I know she cares, but she cares for andrew more...and i pushed...but i have to stop now. I have to take all my feelings for her and put them in a drawer...cause i cannot walk away. i cannot run nor can i hide. It is not within me to run...and that is noble too.

But it means i have a road of pain ahead. I tried talking to syd, but her walls are pretty strong now. I think for a time, i will leave it be. I hope to god i can refocus my energy or i will be in the fucking crazy house soon. No, i am not kidding.

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