My choice...

I went to syd's house last night. I am sure everyone thinks it was wrong. It felt right. I know there is something there. There may not be in a couple days/months/years...but for tonight, there was. It was hard to realize she cared, but cared more for her current boyfriend.

That was hard. I know her relationship right now is based on lies...It is there for the world to see. Every person i talked to about it told me the same story, "Is that still happening?" or "relationship of convenience". She has cheated on him before I came into the picture. It will happen again. But now she is going to lie to him, tell him this never happened...

She was honest with me, completely. I told her that i accept her for who she is right now. I told her how much i cared and I know she cares back. I held her...

I held her for so long...and it was so good and so right and so painful

It was so painful to walk out that door...I never knew...I never new i could feel this much in my life...

I committed to being a friend, a good friend with her. I have to be. I told her i would wait, she told me she didn't want me to not be happy...I told her without her...i am not sure i can be.

my hands are shaking and my tears are flowing again...and there is little i can do to stop it...

Syd...if you ever read this post...know that i will care about you till the day i die...