I am in a weird place right now. Neither happy or sad, but very thoughtful. I never really hit dead middle like this. Maybe i am hesitant to make the decision i have to make.
I care for her. At one point she cared for me. but through time and silence...it seems that time has passed. I want to be her friend. I want to have her walk on the path we me for a time...for a longer time. But she can not.
She is on her own path. She is hiding from this...these feelings and staying in comfort...and I can not blame her. I am the unknown. I am the one that she is not sure of...
I have to move on. There is a place in my heart for her. She knows that. I hope one day she will realize something in herself...something i saw when i looked into her eyes...she is on the edge of a change in her life...and if she can stop running back to her comfort things...she could probably fly.
But for me...all i can do is fly alone, and i know that it is true.
she still reaches out every now and again...as do I...but it has to stop...otherwise i am not sure I can keep living...not like this.
I spent years of my life in ignorance, and years more trying to listen to my heart...Now that my mind and heart are on the same page...I can not let them be torn out. I will not. But i do feel for her...and I can not see what would ever cause that to change.
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