Realize...

I have come to realize alot about myself in the last few weeks. One of those looks over yourself to find every bad thing within you...and besides a bit of regret over some of my relationships...I am not a bad person. I still hate the way i look, but i am changing that, I am not hiding anymore.

So far I have lamented over losing Syd, as a friend and more than a friend. I don't know what she needs right now, but she told me she cannot talk with me, as I stress her out....so I guess that is all I can give. Some space to let her figure out herself and her life I understand.

I am who I am. I am a great person and because i am starting to achieve in life, i am going to feel better and better. I will do things i never thought i could do and have more interesting times in my life to come then any that has past. I do want someone to share with me, my life and theirs, as it is unfolding. I have come to a place where i can accept that, and be happy just to be me.

I have an idea of what i want out of a partner...and it is a interesting point. To want something and actually look for it? I want someone who feels...and leads with their heart. I want someone who is smart and very clever. I want someone who is not afraid to burn brightly with me. I want someone who has had a rough past, who has overcome alot of challenges. I guess that is what the heart wants. I won't be so shallow as to a body type...oh, female...That is key. And someone who will return questions back on me...

I guess that is my realization for the day...