I have been sleeping again...not so much eating though. I am sure one day soon i will start again, but for now i am happy to just not consume anything.
Crucial conversations...What a screwed up example of my life that is. I was sent to the class to understand how to express myself in a positive way when "the stakes were high". At one time it may have been about my job or my interaction at work. Now it is about my personal life. Alot of people in the class are there for personal life issues too.
So, it was 2 days ago that Syd said she didn't want to talk to me, that i stressed her out. I have tried to accept this. I have kinda failed though. I realized yesterday when going through this class, If we are to save at least friendship...i have to be a friend. I picked up some mini-eggs and was going to drop them off at her place and say, "hey, i understand you can't talk to me right now, but take these and be happy". I thought my intentions were pretty good.
Well, apparently even the best intentions can come across the wrong way. I tried calling, no answer...she lives and dies by her cell, i guess this is to be expected, so i fired her a text saying i wanted to drop something off...still nothing. I sent one more text clarifying what i was going to drop off and why, and still nothing.
I get home, she is online, as soon as i open a chat window, she is "away". I figure, whatever...I just want to be happy and have her be happy...I send her a message explaining what i was trying to do and told her she doesn't have to respond...she doesn't.
I don't know if she is having a hard time talking with me cause i am partly to blame for her cheating...or if she has feelings for me she is trying to kill or if she thinks i am still trying to pursue...but i think my course is clear...i can not and will not talk to her until she tries talking to me...
It hurts more that she is rejecting me than when it ended...but i am going to get on with life.
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